I read an article that said that “one out of every five Americans has an anger management problem.” Anger related violence is the reason stated for 22% of divorces of middle-class marriages. Studies show that 79% of violent children witnessed some form of violence between their parents. There are as many clients seeking mental health services for anger as there are clients seeking services for depression and anxiety.
Anger is everywhere... and you’ve probably seen it lately. Yesterday on the road... a week ago in your boss’ office... maybe even across the dinner table last night. There doesn’t seem a way to avoid it... people get angry. And you have to take it... right?
Far too many of us say yes to that question.
We spend another day making excuses for a person... defending the “way they are wired”... cowering in a corner... allowing those that are bubbling over to ruin our day with their venom. A boss, a wife, a child, a husband, a teacher, a parent, or an in-law... all angry... all volcano people...
The volcano needs boundaries. We may not get to control how they display their emotions, but we do get to decide how much we will let it influence our lives. Not sure how to deal with someone who is challenged with anger issues? Read on.
Here are a few tips that may help you establish the all-important boundary with the volcano person in your life:
1. Don’t get angry in return.
“People with understanding control their anger;
a hot temper shows great foolishness.” Proverbs 14:29
Getting angry back simply escalates an issue that could be solved through other means. Angry volcanic people are looking for a fight... when we give in and give it to them, we play right into their hands. This includes throwing back insults, condescension, sarcasm, and the like. Don’t let people manipulate you into conflict. Gentle words minimize tension and allow time for rational thinking.
2. Don’t tell them to “relax”
When volcanos are erupting with anger... they don’t take commands well. Have you noticed this during an argument? If somebody is melting down... let them get through it. Even the hottest fires burn out eventually. Remember:
“A gentle answer deflects anger,
but harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1
3. Don’t insult them.
“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18
Oftentimes, people get angry because they are insecure for one reason or another. Insulting them causes their anger to increase...the insecurities to be validated... and the tension to escalate.
One of the greatest Biblical examples of an effective boundary against anger was David’s. In the book of 1 Samuel, he and his men returned to their hometown of Ziklag to find that all of their wives and children had been captured by the Amelekites. Rather than get mad at the attackers, the men chose to focus all of their rage against their leader, David.
(Isn’t that the case with volcano people? Sometimes they might be angry... but we aren’t the cause... we are just the closest available target.)
Instead of David cowering in fear, giving in, or striking back... He simply does this:
“But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.” 1 Samuel 30:6
Your greatest answer for the angry people in your life is your relationship with God. He will give you the words you need, the nudge if you need to retreat and take a breath, the reminder that the anger will pass, the wisdom to know when to intervene, and the strength to confront if it’s unavoidable.
You do not have to put up with anger in your life. You were not created to be a verbal punching bag... a target for sarcasm... or the victim of somebody’s inability to cope with life. You are strong in Christ... a precious and protected child of our intentional Creator. Decide today that you are going to stay strong, set some boundaries, and reclaim your life from the angry and insecure.
