Resolution

Last weekend during the teaching, I shared that my brothers and I liked to play “King of the Hill”.  We’d find the highest dirt hill we could and one of us would head to the top.  The goal?  Keep the others climbing.  Don’t let them push you off the peak by any means necessary.  I was the oldest and tallest so I had no problem keeping my younger siblings at bay for a few minutes.  Inevitably, one of my brothers would grab something from the yard to help their cause.  My middle brother chose a 2X4… the youngest, usually a rock.  The game always ended poorly.  Someone got hurt…we all got filthy… and we’d fight and argue until mom or dad stepped in and ended our scuffle once and for all.

I always wondered how my parents did that.  How were they able to settle things so quickly and without (much) argument?  How were they able to get three brothers who were at “war” on a hill just a few minutes earlier to make nice and move on?  It was an art and just watching them do it has helped me as I parent my own children so many years later.  

Conflict resolution was a regular lesson taught at our house.  I was thinking about that when I ran into someone from Potential Church who shared this story…. She told me how she settles the arguments in her house.  When her children do something bad to each other, she makes them hug and apologize. She told me that her kids do it with clenched teeth...and the hug only lasts less about two seconds... but they do it.  She wonders how much they mean it... but feels good that at least they go through the motions.

This isn’t what God intended apology and forgiveness to look like.  In James 5 verse 16a it says this:  “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” 

How often do we do something to someone, mutter that we’re sorry, but really don’t mean it?  We give them a quick hug or a pat on the back and pretend everything is better.  This isn’t what God had in mind.  If we hurt someone in some way, we need to make it right.  Today’s verse says to confess what we’ve done wrong and pray for the person we’ve hurt.  When we’re praying for them... God works in us... and we both heal.   Do they have to forgive us?  No... but when we ask for it, we’ve done our part in obedience to scripture.     

If there’s someone in your life today that needs your heart-felt apology... be bold enough to make it right.  Confess your wrongdoing to God, admit it to the person that’s been hurt... and once you’ve asked for forgiveness... pray for them.   

Don’t let the enemy steal future happiness because of past hurt.  It may not be the easiest conversation you’ve ever had... but you’ll never regret the effort in making things right.

Winning An Argument?

A man from Berlin, Germany was desperate to bring peace to his marriage.   He was quoted as saying “My wife never lets me get a word in edgeways.  So I crank up the siren and let it rip for a few minutes.  It works every time.  Afterwards, it’s real quiet again.”  The siren?  An old air raid siren that he used to stun his wife into submission.  He had it mounted on his roof... and when he felt she was talking too much... he cranked it up.  Before long, the 73 year old man lost his siren.. and so much more...

During my time in ministry, I’ve talked to hundreds of couples... and while none have used air raid sirens to silence the other... people have done many things to win arguments or be heard.  The Bible tells us that they are missing the point.  The goal of a relationship isn’t to have the loudest voice or to keep the other person quiet.  Healthy and Godly couples work diligently at submitting... competing not to win... but to out-serve the other.  Ephesians 5 tells us that we are to do so out of reverence for Christ!   Remember the point isn’t to be right... the point is to be understood.  Want to win?  Make the choice... siren or servant?  It can make all the difference in the world.  

A Tough Conversation

Depression.

Anger.

Bitterness.

Run away... retreat... hide.

But the problems don’t dissolve.

Time passes.

Words remain unspoken.

One person withers inside while the other never knows how much pain they’ve caused.

A relationship is broken and it hurts.

If only they knew...

If only I could bring it up.

If only they would be receptive to it.

What if we fight about it.

What if they deny it.

What if it can’t be fixed.

Should I even try?

Yes.

But what if it’s not possible?

The sand finishes its run through life’s hourglass.

One person walks into the sunset of eternity while the other is left holding onto words that could have changed things.

regret.  pain.  

Begging God for another five minutes... or a reset button... or relief from the overwhelming question of…

what if.

There may be someone in your life right now that has hurt you.

Thinking about the conversation you know you need to have with them makes you cringe in pain.

You’ve got plenty of time to talk.

Besides...they probably will deny it anyway.

They won’t understand.

After all, living with bitterness is easier than the pain required for breakthrough, right?

No.

Because when you can no longer have that conversation...

When it becomes impossible to see them face to face...

When you are here and they are no longer...

The pain of regret can feel overwhelming... debilitating... crippling.

One conversation.  One challenging and temporarily painful conversation.  

And it could change everything.  

If you have an opportunity to make things right with someone... take it.  

“Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”  Hebrews 12:14

If that chance has passed... and communication is no longer a possibility... 

Ask Christ for forgiveness... forgive yourself... and put that first foot forward to start walking free again.

I’ll be praying for you as you do.