Hidden Decay

Ephesians 5:21, 31, 33 “And the Spirit makes it possible to submit humbly to one another out of respect for the Anointed. ‘And this is the reason a man leaves his father and his mother and is united with his wife; the two come together as one flesh.’ Nevertheless, each husband is to love and protect his own wife as if she were his very heart, and each wife is to respect her own husband.”

In over twenty years in the ministry, I’ve talked with many married couples in trouble. Each pair have their own unique circumstances, but there are common threads that run throughout as well.

Fairytale wedding... erosion of intimacy over time... spouses become roommates not marital partners... “grass is greener being single” thoughts... distrust... arguments over petty things... control issues...

all eroding into divorce.

And nobody knows it’s happening. Like a tooth with a cavity in the back of your mouth. Looks healthy on the outside... but the hidden decay rots away at the integrity of what once made it strong… Both sides hurt and the blinded world never sees it. A maiden name re-surfaces. Wedding ring grooves appear where a golden band was once placed.

I do becomes I used to.

How do spouses turn it around? It’s not easy… but it happens… four life-changing transformations take place which make what seem irreparable into something whole again. Let’s quickly look at all 4.

1) Commit together 



The first and most important thing couples do is give their lives to Christ. He is the centerpiece of successful marriages. 

Many will say... “I’m a Christian and he/she is not... how can I make them choose Christ?” Fact is... you can’t. They have to make that decision on their own. Simply live out your faith in front of them...and never quit praying that the Holy Spirit would help them see the importance of a relationship with Jesus. If you are a Christ-follower... the tendency is to let your non-believing spouse drag you away from God. Be the exception. Stand strong in your faith and provide the same grace and mercy toward your spouse as God is doing in you.

2) Pray together



Successful marriages commit to grow spiritually together. Having the same quiet times, reading scripture together, coming to church regularly all matter in the restoration of Godly marriage. 

If you are in a struggling marriage and you are both Christ-followers... commit to spending some time together each day with God. Pray for each other... lift each other up... journal about your successes and failures... God wants to say something to both of you through your time with Him...be sure to listen.

3) Serve together 



There’s nothing like giving time to God each week together. Getting involved in a ministry...helping people..is extremely fulfilling and helps each person in the marriage grow. By pouring into the lives of others, we gain perspective on our own problems and see blessings where we once saw barriers.

4) Obey together



Obedience is not a natural behavior. Often, we do things our own way and things eventually fall apart.

Once a couple accepts Christ as Lord... things change. God blesses... but not automatically. People’s behaviors have to move from selfish to selfless... God-absent to God-honoring... us-centered to Christ-centered. And when this transformation happens, and God is honored in obedience, blessings come... and the purpose of the marriage shifts in many ways...

No longer just raising kids... but raising Godly future husbands and wives
No longer putting my spouse on a pedestal... but Christ.
No longer defending against divorce... but moving forward in beautiful marriage.


If you are reading this... and your marriage is in trouble.. God wants to remind you of something.

It isn’t over.

Is there work to do? Will it be difficult? Does it seem like he doesn’t care anymore? Has she withdrawn from you?

Don’t quit. The road back may seem long... but it’s well-traveled. You won’t be alone.

God still restores. People still change. Healing still takes place.

I’m praying for you... take the first step today.

Not Just a Feeling

An Ethiopian folk tale tells of a wife’s determination to save her marriage.  The story goes that a couple was having relationship trouble... so the wife goes to a judge and says she needs help.  The judge tells her that he has a magic medicine that will solve her problem.  However, the main ingredient is a hair from a lion’s tail.  Loving her husband, the desperate woman agrees and goes out to acquire the hair.  Day after day she stalks a lion waiting for her opportunity.  Finally, one day she snatches the hair and races back to the judge...eager for the tonic that will save her marriage.  The judge tells her... “that was a very brave thing you did... it took determination, patience, resolve, and courage.  There is no magical potion.  Instead of looking for the quick fix... demonstrate those same things in your relationship... and I promise it will get better.”

Marriage is wonderful.  But I have yet to see one that hasn’t required hard work, compromise, understanding, forgiveness, and honesty to thrive.  If you’re having trouble... don’t scour the bookstore or the internet for a shortcut.  Reinvest your time in what built your bond from the start.  As 1st Corinthians 13 tells us, love isn’t just a feeling... it’s a commitment.  And when energy is spent on reinforcing that commitment rather than regretting it... great things can happen. 

God Restores

Ephesians 5:21, 31, 33 “And the Spirit makes it possible to submit humbly to one another out of respect for the Anointed. ‘And this is the reason a man leaves his father and his mother and is united with his wife; the two come together as one flesh.’ Nevertheless, each husband is to love and protect his own wife as if she were his very heart, and each wife is to respect her own husband.” 

In over twenty years in the ministry, I’ve talked with many married couples in trouble. Each pair have their own unique circumstances, but there are common threads that run throughout as well.

Fairytale wedding... erosion of intimacy over time... spouses become roommates not marital partners... “grass is greener being single” thoughts... distrust... arguments over petty things... control issues... 

all eroding into divorce. 

And nobody knows it’s happening. Like a tooth with a cavity in the back of your mouth. Looks healthy on the outside... but the hidden decay rots away at the integrity of what once made it strong… Both sides hurt and the blinded world never sees it. A maiden name re-surfaces. Wedding ring grooves appear where a golden band was once placed. 

I do becomes I used to. 

How do spouses turn it around? It’s not easy… but it happens… four life-changing transformations take place which make what seem irreparable into something whole again. Let’s quickly look at all 4.

1) Commit together 

The first and most important thing couples do is give their lives to Christ. He is the centerpiece of successful marriages. Many will say... “I’m a Christian and he/she is not... how can I make them choose Christ?” Fact is... you can’t. They have to make that decision on their own. Simply live out your faith in front of them...and never quit praying that the Holy Spirit would help them see the importance of a relationship with Jesus. If you are a Christ-follower... the tendency is to let your non-believing spouse drag you away from God. Be the exception. Stand strong in your faith and provide the same grace and mercy toward your spouse as God is doing in you. 

2) Pray together 

Successful marriages commit to grow spiritually together. Having the same quiet times, reading scripture together, coming to church regularly all matter in the restoration of Godly marriage. If you are in a struggling marriage and you are both Christ-followers... commit to spending some time together each day with God. Pray for each other... lift each other up... journal about your successes and failures... God wants to say something to both of you through your time with Him...be sure to listen.

3) Serve together 

There’s nothing like giving time to God each week together. Getting involved in a ministry...helping people..is extremely fulfilling and helps each person in the marriage grow. By pouring into the lives of others, we gain perspective on our own problems and see blessings where we once saw barriers. 

4) Obey together 

Obedience is not a natural behavior. Often, we do things our own way and things eventually fall apart.Once a couple accepts Christ as Lord... things change. God blesses... but not automatically. People’s behaviors have to move from selfish to selfless... God-absent to God-honoring... us-centered to Christ-centered. And when this transformation happens, and God is honored in obedience, blessings come... and the purpose of the marriage shifts in many ways...No longer just raising kids... but raising Godly future husbands and wivesNo longer putting my spouse on a pedestal... but Christ.No longer defending against divorce... but moving forward in beautiful marriage.

If you are reading this... and your marriage is in trouble.. God wants to remind you of something.

It isn’t over.

Is there work to do? Will it be difficult? Does it seem like he doesn’t care anymore? Has she withdrawn from you? 

Don’t quit. The road back may seem long... but it’s well-traveled. You won’t be alone. 

God still restores. People still change. Healing still takes place. 

I’m praying for you... take the first step today.

Hard Work

An Ethiopian folk tale tells of a wife’s determination to save her marriage.  The story goes that a couple was having relationship trouble... so the wife goes to a judge and says she needs help.  The judge tells her that he has a magic medicine that will solve her problem.  However, the main ingredient is a hair from a lion’s tail.  Loving her husband, the desperate woman agrees and goes out to acquire the hair.  Day after day she stalks a lion waiting for her opportunity.  Finally, one day she snatches the hair and races back to the judge...eager for the tonic that will save her marriage.  The judge tells her... “that was a very brave thing you did... it took determination, patience, resolve, and courage.  There is no magical potion.  Instead of looking for the quick fix... demonstrate those same things in your relationship... and I promise it will get better.”

Marriage is wonderful.  But I have yet to see one that hasn’t required hard work, compromise, understanding, forgiveness, and honesty to thrive.  If you’re having trouble... don’t scour the bookstore or the internet for a shortcut.  Reinvest your time in what built your bond from the start.  As 1st Corinthians 13 tells us, love isn’t just a feeling... it’s a commitment.  And when energy is spent on reinforcing that commitment rather than regretting it... great things can happen.

Out-Serve

A group called the Worldwide Marriage Encounter has certified that Wilbur and Teresa Faiss of Las Vegas, married in April 1933, are America’s longest married couple.  As they celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary, the couple was asked the secret to a lasting union. 

What do you think it was?  Love?  Admiration?  Trust?  While all of these are essential in a relationship... they actually said: "It's very simple. It's give and take and compromise."  The Bible tells us in Romans 12:10 to “prefer one another in love.”  To put the other person first... out-serve them... and most of all, be willing to give a little ground so that both sides win.   Remember, relationships are not about being right... they’re about being honoring... and when we seek Godly unity over victory, we’re on track for a long and fulfilling time together.  

It Isn't Over

Ephesians 5:21, 31, 33 “And the Spirit makes it possible to submit humbly to one another out of respect for the Anointed.  ‘And this is the reason a man leaves his father and his mother and is united with his wife; the two come together as one flesh.’ Nevertheless, each husband is to love and protect his own wife as if she were his very heart, and each wife is to respect her own husband.”  

In over twenty years in the ministry, I’ve talked with many married couples in trouble.  Each pair have their own unique circumstances, but there are common threads that run throughout as well.

Fairytale wedding... erosion of intimacy over time... spouses become roommates not marital partners... “grass is greener being single” thoughts...  distrust... arguments over petty things... control issues... 

all eroding into divorce.  

And nobody knows it’s happening.  Like a tooth with a cavity in the back of your mouth.  Looks healthy on the outside... but the hidden decay rots away at the integrity of what once made it strong… Both sides hurt and the blinded world never sees it.   A maiden name re-surfaces.  Wedding ring grooves appear where a golden band was once placed.  

I do becomes I used to.  

How do spouses turn it around?  It’s not easy… but it happens… four life-changing transformations take place which make what seem irreparable into something whole again.  Let’s quickly look at all 4.

 Commit together

The first and most important thing couples do is give their lives to Christ.  He is the centerpiece of successful marriages.

Many will say... “I’m a Christian and he/she is not... how can I make them choose Christ?”  Fact is... you can’t.  They have to make that decision on their own.  Simply live out your faith in front of them...and never quit praying that the Holy Spirit would help them see the importance of a relationship with Jesus.  If you are a Christ-follower... the tendency is to let your non-believing spouse drag you away from God. Be the exception.  Stand strong in your faith and provide the same grace and mercy toward your spouse as God is doing in you.  

 Pray together 

Successful marriages commit to grow spiritually together.   Having the same quiet times, reading scripture together, coming to church regularly all matter in the restoration of Godly marriage. 

If you are in a struggling marriage and you are both Christ-followers... commit to spending some time together each day with God.  Pray for each other... lift each other up... journal about your successes and failures... God wants to say something to both of you through your time with Him...be sure to listen.

Serve together

There’s nothing like giving time to God each week together.  Getting involved in a ministry...helping people..is extremely fulfilling and helps each person in the marriage grow.  By pouring into the lives of others, we gain perspective on our own problems and see blessings where we once saw barriers.  

Obey together

Obedience is not a natural behavior.  Often, we do things our own way and things eventually fall apart.

Once a couple accepts Christ as Lord... things change.  God blesses... but not automatically.  People’s behaviors have to move from selfish to selfless... God-absent to God-honoring... us-centered to Christ-centered.  And when this transformation happens, and God is honored in obedience, blessings come... and the purpose of the marriage shifts in many ways...

No longer just raising kids... but raising Godly future husbands and wives
No longer putting my spouse on a pedestal... but Christ.
No longer defending against divorce... but moving forward in beautiful marriage.

If you are reading this... and your marriage is in trouble.. God wants to remind you of something.

It isn’t over.

Is there work to do?  Will it be difficult?  Does it seem like he doesn’t care anymore?  Has she withdrawn from you?   

Don’t quit.  The road back may seem long... but it’s well-traveled.  You won’t be alone.  

God still restores.  People still change.  Healing still takes place.  

I’m praying for you... take the first step today.

No Magical Potion

An Ethiopian folk tale tells of a wife’s determination to save her marriage.  The story goes that a couple was having relationship trouble... so the wife goes to a judge and says she needs help.  The judge tells her that he has a magic medicine that will solve her problem.  However, the main ingredient is a hair from a lion’s tail.  Loving her husband, the desperate woman agrees and goes out to acquire the hair.  Day after day she stalks a lion waiting for her opportunity.  Finally, one day she snatches the hair and races back to the judge...eager for the tonic that will save her marriage.  The judge tells her... “that was a very brave thing you did... it took determination, patience, resolve, and courage.  There is no magical potion.  Instead of looking for the quick fix... demonstrate those same things in your relationship... and I promise it will get better.”

Marriage is wonderful.  But I have yet to see one that hasn’t required hard work, compromise, understanding, forgiveness, and honesty to thrive.  If you’re having trouble... don’t scour the bookstore or the internet for a shortcut.  Reinvest your time in what built your bond from the start.  As 1st Corinthians 13 tells us, love isn’t just a feeling... it’s a commitment.  And when energy is spent on reinforcing that commitment rather than regretting it... great things can happen.  

Kissing a Crooked Smile

“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ...For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body." Ephesians 5:21 & 25-30

Today’s devotional is for the guys... the married ones to be more precise... or those that this weekend may find themselves saying “I do” to a beautiful bride.

I encourage ladies to read this through as well...

Think back to the words you shared in your vows. More than likely, they included the familiar phrases... “in sickness and in health” or “through good times or bad” and ended with “till death do us part.”

Those vows are still in effect.

I talk to many men who tell me that they have a rough time with their wife because she “doesn’t understand” or is “too needy and emotional” or simply “won’t give me space.” I want to challenge you today to think back to that wedding day. You looked her in the eyes and told her that no matter what... you’d be there for her. If she needed a knight in shining armor... you’d find the perfect horse to ride in on. If she wanted a shoulder to cry on you’d offer both. Things got tough? You’d be tougher and provide security.

We didn’t get married to change our wives... we did so to celebrate the way they already are. Is your wife perfect? No. Are there differences between the two of you? Absolutely. But take a look at today’s verse... we are to love our wives like Christ loves His bride...the church!

Sacrifice, commitment, love, dedication, endurance, forgiveness, communication, trust... all given willingly... all provided without pretense or condition.

I know that when we are loving our wives in this way, the negative issues that come between ourselves and our spouse will decrease dramatically. When Christ is first and we are growing closer to God... we will, in turn, grow closer to each other.

I want to wrap up our time today with this story...
Richard Selzer, MD, tells of standing before a hospital bed where a young woman was recovering from surgery. Her mouth was twisted. A facial nerve connected to her mouth muscles had been severed, and her deformity was permanent. To remove a tumor in her cheek, the nerve had to be cut.

Her husband, also in the post-op room, stood on the opposite side of the bed. The young wife asked, “Will my mouth always be like this?” The reluctant answer was yes. She nodded silently.

But her husband smiled. “I like it” he said, “It’s cute.” He then bent down to kiss her crooked mouth, twisted his own lips to accommodate hers, to show her that their kiss still works. And the doctor remained silent, in awe, in the presence of this divine love.

That’s the kind of love I’m talking about. Unconditional and complete. This husband didn’t see brokenness...

He saw beauty.

That’s the way God sees your wife as well.


You won’t always understand her. The devil may tell you there’s better out there. You will get frustrated...challenged...and may feel at times like you should give up on your marriage.

Don’t. Just don’t.

Your wife is a daughter of the King of Kings... and there is nothing that you will face that can’t be mended through prayer, honest communication, trust, and a commitment to grow closer to God together.

Decide today to love your wife with that Christ-like level of love. Be flexible when life gets hard... be there for her when she doesn’t feel she’s at her best... and extend to her the same grace you receive from God daily. The whole world may be coming down on her, but be there... faithfully... guarding and honoring those vows you took all that time ago. Christ loves His church so much that He was willing to sacrifice His own life for it. It is my prayer that each of us that are married would be willing to do the same for the spouse God has blessed us with.

PS: Ladies... if you are unmarried and have read this far... don’t settle for a man unwilling to kiss a crooked smile. There are God-honoring men out there praying each night for you to arrive in their life (and they don’t even know your name yet).

Don’t settle. You are far too valuable for that.

This weekend, join us as we partner with couples who are getting hitched… and those renewing their vows. See the kind of love I wrote about today firsthand… rejoicing in the unions that God has brought together. It will be a historic wedding celebration that you won’t want to miss!

For times, locations, and more details check out our website at potentialchurch.com.

The Secret

A group called the Worldwide Marriage Encounter has certified that Wilbur and Teresa Faiss of Las Vegas, married in April 1933, are America’s longest married couple.  As they celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary, the couple was asked the secret to a lasting union. 

What do you think it was?  Love?  Admiration?  Trust?  While all of these are essential in a relationship... they actually said: "It's very simple. It's give and take and compromise."  The Bible tells us in Romans 12:10 to “prefer one another in love.”  To put the other person first... out-serve them... and most of all, be willing to give a little ground so that both sides win.   Remember, relationships are not about being right... they’re about being honoring... and when we seek Godly unity over victory, we’re on track for a long and fulfilling time together.