Tell the Truth

Each week for 10 weeks, 110 individuals, ages 18-71, took a lie detector test and completed health and relationship measures assessing the number of major and minor lies they told that week, says lead author Anita Kelly, a psychology professor at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana. She presented findings at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association, which ended Sunday.

"When they went up in their lies, their health went down," says Kelly. "When their lies went down, their health improved."

Evidence from past research suggests that Americans average about 11 lies a week. Kelly says the no-lie group participants were down to one lie, on average, per week. For both groups, when participants lied less in a given week, they reported their physical health and mental health to be significantly better that week.

- (from USAToday - August 4, 2012)

For some of us, participation in that experiment would have been easy. Not tell lies? Cake.

For others... let’s just say they would have had to go into an isolation chamber. Lying is their default setting.

But if telling the truth improves our spiritual, mental, and physical health, why do we still lie? We only do it when we feel cornered... when we want to have an advantage... when we are trying to manipulate... when we get bored... etc. There are literally hundreds of reasons to justify a lie and we know them all.

The Bible talks directly about the affects that lying has on our lives...

“There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.” Proverbs 6:16-19

“A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.” Proverbs 19:9

“Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.” Colossians 3:9-10

So let’s go down the Bible verse list and recap...

Lying:

is something God hates

will cause us to perish

takes us back to our old selves

hurts the body of Christ

Big consequences for temporary “fixes” right?

Are we lying to ourselves?

We think it buys us time... but it just delays the pain.

We think we are sparing feelings.. but we are just hurting the integrity of the friendship.

We think we are protecting... we are slowly destroying.

Every day, liars have to think about...

What if the truth is revealed?

What if the secret comes out?

What if the trust is shattered?

Should we feel sorry for those who lie? Not necessarily. Lying is a choice. We know it’s not what God wants us to do yet we choose to do it. We aren’t forced, coerced, or held against our will to tell half-truths. We cause irreparable damage, miss the mark by sinning, and leave an indelible “X” on our scorecard.

Lying becomes an addiction.. an automatic “go to” move that quickly becomes the norm rather than the exception. It’s a slippery slope that some don’t even bother trying to overcome.

So how do we beat this?

- Decide that just because others are lying their way through life... you’re not going to. Honesty may bring consequences but God is glorified through your authenticity.

- Remember that the truth is easier. Mark Twain once wrote “Always tell the truth. That way you don’t have to remember what you said.” Very wise.

- Know what lying is. It’s not telling the truth. Period. You can easily convince yourself that you aren’t lying...but you know when you are.

- Understand that remaining silent when your word could make a difference is a form of lying.

- Know that your reputation is at stake. Once you become known as the “liar”... repairing the damage will be extremely difficult.

- Tell the truth even when it hurts. Start with little things you would normally lie about and work your way up to more consequential situations.

- Understand why you lie. Is it because you’re insecure? Afraid? When you know the meaning behind the misleading you can make progress in living a life of honesty.

No matter the reason for your lying... it’s never too late to change. God has a plan for your life... and integrity, honesty, and a sincere heart are an integral part of it. He will be there to walk with you through the consequences and give you the strength to be a truth-teller... even when it’s difficult to do so!

Seed

* Once there was an emperor in the Far East who was growing old and knew it was coming time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or one of his own children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, "It has come time for me to step down and to choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you."

The kids were shocked!

But the emperor continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One seed. It is a very special seed. I want you to go home, plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring to me, and the one I choose will be the next emperor of the kingdom!"

There was one boy named Ling who was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the whole story. She helped him get a pot and some planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown.

After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept going home and checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by. Still nothing. By now others were talking about their plants but Ling didn’t have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling’s pot.

He just knew he had killed his seed.

Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing.

Ling didn’t say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow. A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she encouraged him to go, and to take his pot, and to be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he trusted his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace.

When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by all the other youths. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kids laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, "Hey, nice try." When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people.

Ling just tried to hide in the back.

"My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the emperor. "Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!" All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to him to the front. Ling was terrified. "The emperor knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!"

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name.

"My name is Ling," he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, "Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!" Ling couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!"

You will see others being dishonest. They will appear to be successful...thriving...passing you by.

You will obey and wonder.

They will deceive and temporarily prosper.

Don’t give up... God will make things right.

“Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord?
    Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?

Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right,
    speaking the truth from sincere hearts.

Those who refuse to gossip
    or harm their neighbors
    or speak evil of their friends.

Those who despise flagrant sinners,
    and honor the faithful followers of the Lord,
    and keep their promises even when it hurts.

Those who lend money without charging interest,
 and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent.
Such people will stand firm forever.” Psalm 15

Be honest. You will stand firm forever. Unshakeable. Rewarded. Blessed.

It’s always worth it.

* [Story from "In The Garden With Jesus," a children’s devotional written by Tiziana Ruff.]

Reputation

“People with integrity walk safely,
    but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall.”  Proverbs 10:9

Reuben Gonzales was in the final match of a pro racquetball tournament. In the 4th and final game, at match point, Gonzales made a super kill shot into the front wall to win the game. The referee called it good. Two linesman affirmed that the shot was in. But Gonzales, after a moments hesitation, turned around, shook his opponents hand, and declared that his shot had hit the floor first. As a result, he lost the match and walked off the court. Everybody was stunned. They couldn't believe that a player with everything officially in his favor, with victory at hand, disqualified himself at match point and lost!
When asked why he did it, Reuben said, "It was the only thing that I could do to maintain my integrity. I could always win another match, but I could never regain my lost integrity."

One of the most precious things we possess is our reputation.  Our good name.   It takes a lifetime to build it up... but just one poor choice to ruin it.  Most of us have daily opportunities to do one or the other... We either show the world that we have genuine Christ-like character or compromise our values and prove otherwise.  

Think about your last five major decisions... were they God-honoring?  Aligned with scripture?  Honest?  

...or did they damage your name (and the name of Jesus)?

You can always make more money, play another game, seize another opportunity, or take another chance.   You can’t easily rebuild your reputation once you’ve damaged it.  Today you will be faced with choices... opportunities to shine or shame... which will you choose?   If you are a Christ-follower, remember that people are watching what you do when you have the opportunity to be dishonest.  Stand tall... focus on Christ... and take the high road.  God will bless you for your integrity and the world will learn from your example.  

Tell Them

Over the course of 20+ years in ministry, I’ve done a lot of memorial services. Each one is a unique and special tribute to someone’s life. However, there are always two emotions that occur without fail. The first, of course, is sadness. Losing a loved one is emotionally overwhelming... the feeling of loss and loneliness is punishing to the heart and difficult to bear.

The other emotion... the one that I see often (almost as much as sadness)

Regret.

The stinging heartbreak that comes when a person realizes that they are no longer able to make it right. I hear things like.. “I wish I had one more day with him.” or “I hope she knew how much she was loved” or even... “If I could just tell them one more thing...”

Why is that? Why do we feel that way at funerals? Why don’t the people we meet everyday know how we feel about them?

It’s easy really. Because we think they already know.

I heard a story once about a husband who was being yelled at by his wife. Everyday she nagged him and pestered him with the same statement, “Why don’t you tell me you love me anymore?” After several weeks of this, the man simply couldn’t take it anymore. After his wife finished her daily tirade, he slowly turned to her and said, “You want to know why I don’t tell you I love you? Because when me got married, I told you then. If that ever changes... I’ll let you know.”

Why don’t we say it more? Do your friends know you care about and love them? How about your spouse? Has there ever been a mentor in your life? Brother or sister?

If they were gone tomorrow.... would they know how you feel about them?

Life is way too short to go around assuming people know how we feel. Look at today’s verses...

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35

“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:36-39

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Jesus Christ didn’t wait to tell us He loved us... in fact, He climbed on a cross so there would be no doubt... He was crucified to eliminate any wonder... We never have to guess God’s intent or doubt His feelings.

Jesus is passionate about us

In the verses, He tells us to express our love for each other in a similar way. Sacrificially...wholly...without reservation, embarrassment, shame, or condition.

Love those God has placed in our lives... and remind them of that love regularly. Who is it in your life that you haven’t expressed your feelings towards in a while?

Is it your friend who has never left your side while you lay in the pit?

Is it a spouse who stood by your bedside while doctors treated you?

Is it a mentor who never made you feel like you were bothering them with the 500th question?

Is it your child...who is still trying to figure out the world, their emotions, and your rules all at the same time?

Is it someone who has hurt you in your family. The pain runs deep. They seek underserved forgiveness and you’ve met them with silent stares.

Who needs you to tell them you love them today?

I found this anonymous quote: “Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: Saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wish you had?”

Mistakes are fixable but regret is forever. Don’t wait. Make today the day you tell those special people in your life how you feel about them. Love them, encourage them, and remind them that no matter how deep the hole, how dark the valley, or how challenging the storm... you will be there for them.

Because they matter to God.

Because they matter they matter to you.

and you love them.