Saying Goodbye

Have you recently lost someone you love?

They left too soon.

They suffered so badly.

They didn’t deserve what they went through.

Maybe you can still hear the minister’s words of comfort as you said your final goodbye on the day of the funeral. For some, it’s as recent as last week... while others have been playing out the same scene in their mind for many years.

I know it hurts.

I know you would give anything to have just one more day... one more chance to say “I love you.” My heart breaks for those in agony. If that is you today... please know that you are sincerely in my prayers. I also know that, as painful as it is, life must go on. People go home. The workweek comes. Photo albums return to the shelf.

And the pain remains. What are we supposed to do with it?

What do we do with how badly it hurts?

I’d like to offer a few things to think about as the healing process begins or continues:

1) Remember that God is in control

“The Lord has made the heavens his throne;

    from there he rules over everything.” Psalm 103:19

There is nothing you are feeling that God isn’t aware of. He brings people into the world at the perfect time and calls them home at the perfect time. There is never a second where He turns His back on the world He created.

2) Trust God without having to understand

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.

“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so my ways are higher than your ways

and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

You won’t have all the answers. The “why” it happened isn’t as important as what you do with the legacy they left behind. Don’t withdraw from God just because He hasn’t shown you the reason for your loss. Run to Him and allow Him to comfort you like the loving Father He is. You may not understand why but you can always trust the “Who” that is in control.

3) Know that God will use it.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

I don’t know why it happened. But I know that something will happen because of it that is positive. You may not see it now... or want to even think about it... but God has a purpose for everything. Maybe losing your loved one will lead someone to Christ... maybe the legacy left behind will allow you to change a community... a paradigm... or your family. Don’t waste what you are feeling... allow God to work through you and use it in a powerful way to help others.

Your loved one’s life can continue on. You have to decide if they would rather have you grieve their loss forever or pass on what they valued to forever change the world.

4) Thank God for what you had

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

You may have heard the phrase “better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. It’s true. Your friend/family member/spouse was a gift that you got to cross paths with and walk beside for a season. They were a blessing that nobody can take away. You may be apart for now... but if you are both Christ-followers... that will not be a permanent condition. Be thankful to God for their presence in your life..however brief it was.

5) Let God heal your heart

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”

Romans 8:31-38

God’s love is enough. He sees the tears. He feels your pain. He will never ever ever leave your side. Study His word... talk to Him in prayer... let Him hold you up when you don’t have the strength. He is strong enough to hear your anger and gracious enough to respond in love. Cry out to Him. Allow yourself to forgive and be forgiven. Keep serving, giving, and loving even when you don’t think you can. And above all...

Know that you are being prayed for. You aren’t alone or forgotten.

God is with you.

Sweetness

The other day I read an interesting fact about honey.  Did you know that germs cannot live in honey because it’s too sweet?   It’s true.  The sugar in the honey causes the water part of the bacteria to evaporate… thus killing the bad germ.  Similarly, that’s why jellies can be put into jars and kept indefinitely without fear of contamination. It’s the sugar… the sweetness.. that makes all the difference.  

As we think about our world today,  many would tell you that the way to deal with the corruption and evil is to seek revenge.  After all, if we are wronged… they have it coming.  We hurt… they should hurt.  However, scripture tells us differently.  In fact, we are told in Luke 6 that we should “return good for evil”  and in Proverbs 16:24… that it is gracious words (like a honeycomb) that brings “healing to the bones”.  God says when the world wants to sour us… reply with kindness.  Turn the other cheek.  Extend the olive branch.  Allow God’s sweetness in our heart to drive out the bitterness of what the flesh might want us to do.   It may not be our first reaction…. but the more often we choose it… the closer to Christ we will be.

Healing

This morning as you wake up... things may seem pretty bleak.   In fact, you may wonder if this will be just another day of treading water... staying afloat...surviving.  You don’t have a vacation on the calendar, your back still hurts, and the bill collector will be calling at dinnertime just like he always does.

Another 24 hours... another 7 days... another month. 

The dream you once had seems all but dead.  What little heartbeat it has seems distant now.  Things have skidded to a stop with a spouse that seems uninterested and a life that is far from the one you used to tell the kids at school you’d have when you grew up.

You ask:  When am I going to feel better?    When will it stop hurting?  When is it my turn?  What am I going to do? 

God, where are you?

Sound familiar?  If this is you.. or even someone you know.  I have great news on this Thursday.  

The Bible talks about Jairus... the leader of a local synagogue crying out to Jesus to heal his very sick daughter.  Jesus agrees and walks with the man when He is stopped mid-way to heal a woman who touches His robe.  In the few minutes that transpires with the old woman.... something very profound happens... let’s pick up the story in Mark 5:36

“While he was still speaking to her, messengers arrived from the home of Jairus, the leader of the synagogue. They told him, “Your daughter is dead. There’s no use troubling the Teacher now.”

But Jesus overheard them and said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid. Just have faith.”  

Mark 5:35-36

Jairus’ life was spiraling out of control.  He was doing his best at the synagogue but he knew that each day that he returned home, he’d find his daughter deteriorating.  He’d prayed... he’d begged... he’d pleaded... he felt hopeless, helpless, and hurting.  The dream he’d had about experiencing life with his daughter was rapidly fading away...just as his daughter’s heartbeat began it’s slow decrescendo to its final beat.  

Jairus’ life was not what he thought it would be... He, too, asked the same questions...

When am I going to feel better?  When will it stop hurting?  When is it my turn?  What am I going to do? 

God, where are you?

Then He learned where God was... He was on a boat heading his way across a lake.  Jairus had heard about Jesus... had learned of His ability to do the impossible... and ran with everything he had toward hope. 

Jesus was his only hope.   Jesus was his daughter’s only hope.  (Jesus is our only hope)

Believing in Christ’s power... Jairus reached out to Jesus and begged Him to save his ailing daughter.  

(...To save your broken dreams.  To save your wounded heart.  To save that failing marriage.  To save what seems un-saveable.) 

When word came that Jairus’ daughter was dead... hope seemed lost.

(...When word came that your dream was hopeless... when divorce seemed like an inevitability... when the only choice you thought you had was to give up...)

But hope wasn’t lost. It came to Jairus (us) in six little words.

“Don’t be afraid, just have faith.”  

Ever been afraid of what’s coming?

Ever been afraid of what’s been?  

Ever been afraid of losing control?

Ever been afraid that God won’t be there?

Make no mistake, God will be there.  In fact, He’s there now.  He’s working in your life where you can’t see Him... and He’s mending the cracks in your armor.  Jesus will never allow one day to pass where your faith goes unnoticed or unrewarded.   

God comes through every single time.  Every single circumstance.  

His ability to heal lives is nothing new...and it’s not exclusive to leaders of synagogues.  When we have faith... when we reject fear... when we put our trust in Him... things change for the better.

Jesus Christ is forever faithful... and your life, in Him, will only get better.  

Healing From Loss

Patsy Clairmont in her book “Under His Wings” tells a moving story of the reality of dealing with grief. “We buried my friend’s 26 year old son last week. An accidental gunshot took Jeff’s life. We have more questions than answers. We are offended at people who have all the answers and no experience with devastating loss.

I watched the heart-wrenching scenes as the family tried to come to grips with the tragedy, I can still hear the travailing of the mother’s anguished heart. I can still see the wrenching of the father’s grief torn hands. I can still smell the hospital and funeral home. Memories march before my mind like soldiers, causing me to relive the agony. If it is this difficult for me, Jeff’s god-mother, how much more magnified it must be for his birth mother! I can’t imagine.

As I watched Jeff’s mom, Carol, the week after his death, I observed a miracle. I saw her move from despair to hope. From franticness to peace. From uncertainty to assurance. From needing comfort to extending it.

I witnessed a mom face her worst nightmare and refuse to run away. Instead, she ran to Him. When grief knocked the breath out of Carol, she went to the Breath Giver. I watched as the Lord placed His mantle of grace around her and then supported her with His mercy. The grief process has just begun for Jeff’s loved ones. The Lord will not remove His presence from the Porter family. But there may be moments when He will remove their awareness of His presence. That will allow them to feel the impact of their loss. For He knows it would be our tendency to hide even behind His grace to protect our fragile hearts from the harshness winds of reality. He offers us refuge, but He also promises us wholeness. Wholeness means we are fully present with ourselves and with Him. Therefore, we have to own our pain. If we do not, part of who we are we must either shut down, avoid or deny. That would leave us estranged from ourselves and divided in our identity. Also, we would never heal in a way that would allow us to minister to others.” [Patsy Clairmont. Under His Wings. (Colorado Springs: Focus On the Family, 1994) p. 137]

Maybe there has been a loss in your life. 

They left too soon. 
They suffered so badly. 
They didn’t deserve what they went through. 

Just like in the story above... you can still hear the minister’s words of comfort as you said your final goodbye on the day of the funeral. For some, it’s as recent as last week... while others have been playing out the same scene in their mind for many years. 

I know it hurts. 

I know you would give anything to have just one more day... one more chance to say “I love you.” My heart breaks for those in agony. If that is you today... please know that you are sincerely in my prayers. I also know that, as painful as it is, life must go on. People go home. The workweek comes. Photo albums return to the shelf. 

And the pain remains. What are we supposed to do with it?

What do we do with how badly it hurts?

I’d like to offer a few things to think about as the healing process begins or continues:

1) Remember that God is in control

“The Lord has made the heavens his throne;
from there he rules over everything.” Psalm 103:19

There is nothing you are feeling that God isn’t aware of. He brings people into the world at the perfect time and calls them home at the perfect time. There is never a second where He turns His back on the world He created.

2) Trust God without having to understand

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

You won’t have all the answers. The “why” it happened isn’t as important as what you do with the legacy they left behind. Don’t withdraw from God just because He hasn’t shown you the reason for your loss. Run to Him and allow Him to comfort you like the loving Father He is. You may not understand why but you can always trust the “Who” that is in control.

3) Know that God will use it.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

I don’t know why it happened. But I know that something will happen because of it that is positive. You may not see it now... or want to even think about it... but God has a purpose for everything. Maybe losing your loved one will lead someone to Christ... maybe the legacy left behind will allow you to change a community... a paradigm... or your family. Don’t waste what you are feeling... allow God to work through you and use it in a powerful way to help others. 

Your loved one’s life can continue on. You have to decide if they would rather have you grieve their loss forever or pass on what they valued to forever change the world.

4) Thank God for what you had

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

You may have heard the phrase “better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. It’s true. Your friend/family member/spouse was a gift that you got to cross paths with and walk beside for a season. They were a blessing that nobody can take away. You may be apart for now... but if you are both Christ-followers... that will not be a permanent condition. Be thankful to God for their presence in your life..however brief it was.

5) Let God heal your heart

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” 
Romans 8:31-38

God’s love is enough. He sees the tears. He feels your pain. He will never ever ever leave your side. Study His word... talk to Him in prayer... let Him hold you up when you don’t have the strength. He is strong enough to hear your anger and gracious enough to respond in love. Cry out to Him. Allow yourself to forgive and be forgiven. Keep serving, giving, and loving even when you don’t think you can. And above all... 

Know that you are being prayed for. You aren’t alone or forgotten. 

God is with you.

Admit It

At the start of the 2012 football season, the league was forced to put replacement referees on the field as a result of a contract dispute with the real crew.  The fill-ins worked throughout the first part of the season… and made many mistakes.  Maybe no bigger than the ending of the Green Bay Packers vs. Seattle Seahawks game.  In it, the Seattle quarterback threw a desperation pass toward the end zone in the closing seconds of the game.  A Green Bay defensive player intercepted the ball, but the stand-in ref called it a touchdown for Seattle…costing the Packers the game.   When interviewed afterward, the confused referee said that he would not have changed the call even though every replay showed he was clearly in error.

Many of us are just like that referee.  

Sometimes we don’t want to admit when we’ve made a mistake.  Even when it’s obvious.  The crowd points and we turn a blind eye.  The replay shows it… and we turn off the tv.  We blow it… drop it… miscall it… and mess it up.  But why is it so hard to admit our mistakes and make them right?  It’s simple.  Pride.  James 4:6 tells us that “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”   Find yourself in a situation where you’ve missed the mark?  Made a mistake?  Humble yourself.  First admit to God how you’ve blown it… then make it right with those you’ve hurt.  God will bless your obedience and you will begin to heal immediately.  Admitting there’s an issue is one thing… making it right, while not always easy, is the always the correct call.  

Click

      Harry Houdini, the famed escape artist issued a challenge wherever he went. He could be locked in any jail cell in the country, he claimed, and set himself free quickly and easily. Always he kept his promise, but one time something went wrong. Houdini entered the jail in his street clothes; the heavy, metal doors clanged shut behind him. He took from his belt a concealed piece of metal, strong and flexible. He set to work immediately, but something seemed to be unusual about this lock. For 30 minutes he worked and got nowhere. An hour passed, and still he had not opened the door. By now he was bathed in sweat and panting in exasperation, but he still could not pick the lock. 

Harry Houdini was trapped.  The clock was ticking....and he was genuinely scared.

The mind is a powerful thing.  For some of us, we’ve been trying to figure out how to be happy... how to break free... for a long time.  Every time we think we have it solved, we struggle with the lock... and hear the sound... 

click.  

We try something new... we beg God... we act nicer... we treat people a little better... all trying to somehow impress God so He will lift the burden of the prison we’re in.

click.  Still locked.

Anger, frustration, and doubt all begin to replace what little hope we had left.  We are in prison... and it seems that it is where we are bound to stay.  That bad decision, word that was said, past discrepancy... all gatekeepers to a cell that seems permanently sealed.  The lock won’t budge... and whatever happiness we may have once had is a memory. 

Is there a way out?  What will set us free? 

What does God suggest we do about it?  

Before we discover that... let’s go back to our story of Houdini:

Finally, after laboring for 2 hours, Harry Houdini collapsed in frustration and failure against the door he could not unlock. But when he fell against the door, it swung open! It had never been locked at all! But in his mind it was locked and that was all it took to keep him from opening the door and walking out of the jail cell.

Houdini escaped the cell because he stopped struggling with the lock on a door that wasn’t locked to start with.

We do the same thing every day.  Our mind holds us prisoner in a cell that isn’t locked.  

God tells us to handle it this way: 

Psalm 46:1 “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God.’”

Be still.  Hardly our first reaction to being locked down...beaten up... or shaken.  

Ever used a finger prison?  Those gags where you put the tips of your index fingers into the ends of a braided paper cylinder.  When you tug on them, you can’t get your fingers loose.  The trick?  Don’t tug.  Relax and slowly remove each finger individually. 

When we quit struggling... when we stop pushing... when we cease trying to force it... when we let God be God... He reveals that what is holding us back isn’t our circumstances, it is our perception of the power of the lock.  

In fact, if you look closely at the lock, you can see the manufacturer.  Can you see it?  It isn’t Master or Yardley or even Black & Decker.

It says Satan on it... and he wants you to think it’s the strongest lock ever made.  What you did is unforgiveable... who you are is unchangeable... what happened is irreversible.  

Not true.  

God wants to be God in our lives.  He wants us to relax...refocus...and realize that He is working ahead of things... that Grace is for us too... and that He is key to our happiness.

When Christ resurrected, the door to every cell in every prison in every mind sprung open.  Don’t focus on the lock of your circumstances... push on the door.  It’s open.  God made sure of it.  If you’ve been bound... stop struggling.   Give those heavy chains to God and gently push against what seems to be permanently holding you in.

Trust me... that door will open and you will be released.

Released from pain, guilt, inadequacy, low self-esteem, past failure... Does the pain go away?  Not immediately, but the only way to start the process...the first step to true freedom from what has held us in... is the release from the unlocked prison.  

I can hear doors swinging open all over the world.  Let the healing begin.  

What's Behind You?

Have you ever stopped to pick up a shell at the beach?  There are so many beautiful shapes and colors...it’s hard to resist not bringing one home.  Have you ever thought about how they got there?  Shells begin their journey in the ocean... far from the shoreline.  They are carried for many miles in the surf and washed up unceremoniously on the beach for us to discover.  We don’t always see the wave that brought them... just the beauty that stays ... It got me thinking about things that get left behind... about legacy... about what remains...  

Let’s look at an example from scripture:

“The apostles were performing many miraculous signs and wonders among the people. And all the believers were meeting regularly at the Temple in the area known as Solomon’s Colonnade. But no one else dared to join them, even though all the people had high regard for them. Yet more and more people believed and were brought to the Lord—crowds of both men and women. As a result of the apostles’ work, sick people were brought out into the streets on beds and mats so that Peter’s shadow might fall across some of them as he went by. Crowds came from the villages around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those possessed by evil spirits, and they were all healed.”  Acts 5:12-16

The disciples left behind whole, healed bodies and souls.  Where they went they brought miracles and hope.  

What about us?  When we encounter people... what are we leaving behind?

Are we healing more than we hurt?  I’m not just talking about physically.... emotionally, relationally, and spiritually as well.  Are we more concerned about being right than being restorative?  Do we dedicate our time to healing and helping... or breaking up and bowing out?  While we may not be able to cure like the disciples... we can spend much more of our time as peacemakers, heart-healers, and hope-bringers.   What you and I leave behind in this area will be remembered long after what we thought was important.  Trophies tarnish... raises get spent... but a legacy of kindness, servanthood, and benevolence will affect generations of our families far more.  

I want to leave you today with a challenge.  For the next 24 hours...  keep that in the forefront of your mind.  Ask yourself the question “when I leave a situation... what will remain?”  

Have I... 

Changed the climate from hostile to God-honoring?

Brought joy where there was despair?

Reflected Christ’s character?

Healed a heart or made it worse?

Improved the morale of the team?

When the door closes behind me... are they happy I left or wish I’d stayed longer?  Did I make the most of that last conversation?  When people see me do they think world-changer or whiner?

What we leave behind us matters.  We have a limited time on this Earth to make an impact for God.  Seize each day... make the most of every opportunity to help and serve...  And you will leave a legacy that honors the One who created you.  

Hide and Go Seek

Do you remember playing hide and go seek? I do. My brothers and I would play it when we were little… and I was pretty good. I remember being hidden and hearing their voices as they’d get closer… the butterflies in my stomach as I got nervous they’d find me… the sound of their feet getting louder against the wood floor… all part of the game. Sometimes they’d discover me, but many times they wouldn’t. I was good at hiding from them and enjoyed knowing that I could fool them at will.

Many feel that way about God. Over time, they become quite good at hiding from Him. Or, if not physically, they hide things about themselves from Him. I guess they figure that if they don’t say it out loud.. He doesn’t know. Maybe if they avoid accountability, God never finds them or discovers what they’ve done. The Bible sets it straight in Psalm 139. In it, David says that no matter where he goes… God is there. He is all-knowing… all-powerful… and everywhere at one time. It may be tempting to hide… but there are far greater results when we step out into the light and reveal what God already knows. When we talk to Him and tell Him what’s inside us… He can begin the healing process in our hearts. Find yourself in the shadows today? Spend some time talking with the One who already knows what put you there and wants to guide you back into the sunlight.